Love doesn't walk away.People do.

So. i'm pretty happy with life at the moment. things are going pretty well, and this weekend was so much fun.

Friday--
after school i went home and had chinese and then got ready. Went to pick Danny up from swanton and then the two of us went over to katelyns house and chilled there for about 15 minutes. At like 6:00ish her dad drove us to wauseon to see Twilight. We were there an hour early, and there was already a line...yikes. Kyle got there a little before the movie started. So the movie was a huge disappointment , i didn't like it at all. After the movie we dropped Danny off and then went to katelyns. her and i snacked and talked, and then went to bed.



Saturday--
I had to wake up at 7:45 at katelyn's for the santa workshop for art club. I picked ashley up and then got devin and wes and went to the school. It was so sooo much fun. I love little kids,and i got to work with 2nd graders. =] they were so cute and i was sad when it was over.
Dropped wes off then me ashley and devin went to the mall. Ran into michael and justin there and made plans to hang out with them later. also saw ronnie, that was cool. so then i took devin back to his grandparents house in maumee and they took us out to eat. From there me and Ashley went to walmart...I saw jared's mom there. =[ sucks that i miss her. anywho so michael justin and bryan meet us there and then we went to wildwood and walked around for a while.then we went to the mall..and haha....anywho after that we went to meijer in like point place and goofed around there and then car ride back was the best. this guy threw a huge hissy fit cuz justi n flipped him off....lmao. it was such a fun night. Ashley stayed the night.



Today-
uhm been lazy for the most party, but have y.i.p.e.e from 4-6 then i'm going over to katelyns so she can help me learn my music for musical.



This weekend is going to be soo much fun. well on saturday i have to sit outside for 8 hours in the freezing cold,in the rocking chairs infront of cracker barell for community service. But im also helping evan out with his project...a documentary on people staying up for 48 hours....Friday 10 a.m-Sunday 10 a.m that's going to be a lot of fun. Me evan wes and katelyn and maybe joann.

i will follow you into the dark

Well i suppose im going to post some poems because im bored.

.Love.

Love is letting go, and know the other person will still hold on
It's hitting the right notes when the song is all wrong
Love is driving yourself insain while you wait for the phone to ring
It's accepting forgiveness for all the past things
Love is what keeps this human race alive
It's what pushes us forward when we feel we can't survive
Love is when you find someone, and you can't loose their voice
It's listening to eachother's heartbeats, and never forgetting the noise
Love hurts you until you can't shed anymore tears
It then comforts you and helps you release your worst fears
Love is when you finally find somebody you can't be without
It overcomes any obsticle and eliminates every drop of doubt
Love can be mistaken, and then you loose your chance
It can take away your golden shoes, and never let you dance
Love is something, that when you find it, you should never let it go
So if you find yourself loving someone, then let that person know




An overplayed record repeats in your mind
It reminds you of what you have lost and will never find
The slow dreary drumbeat resembles your heart
Not nearly full again, but not torn apart
The repetitive bass line that refuses to change
Symbolizes the past and the pain that it brings
The acoustic guitar strums back your memories
Of who you were, and you still can be
The soft notes of the piano lead to the climax
Which allows you to concentrate, and to relax
But that bittersweet voice is a cure that keeps holding you back
You pursue to move foward, but it's bravery you lack


K...so if you like the nightmare before christmas..i wrote a "I am" poem in the perspective of jack skellington...

Jack Skellington "I am" poem
I am confused and I am reckless
I wonder waht lies beyond this town of darkness
I hear the same cheer constantly repeating
I see no new people, nobody worth meeting
I want new experience to provide new life lessons
I am confused and I am reckless
I pretend that I enjoy playing this role
I believe change will come, and perhaps cure my soul
I touch the same ground day after day
I fell my ambition begin to decay
I worry this life will remain ordinary and mere
I cry when each tick of time passing reaches my ear
I am confused and I am reckless
I understand why people say it's diffucult for the dreamers
I say that life is even more hard for the nonbelievers
I dream that some day I will find a new path
I hope when that day comes, this routie will no longer last
I am confused and I am reckless

so...yeah. i love that movie. so, idk if these are any good, they are older stuff.

another night with her but im always wanting you

The job hunt
succeeded today. Yeah..I'm going to be working at Papa John's Pizza...the one on Holland Sylvania near Barry Bagels. Not really the dream job, but I really REALLY need to make some money, then hopefully apple bees will hire me after the new year. =]

Read ALL about it.
I hate that it feels like thursday, this week is going by way too damn slowly. Monday and yesterday were actually pretty fun. me katelyn and wes were over at evan's shooting his video project. his house is pretty sweet to be at.


so. i suppose i like someone =] yeah i'm getting back out into the dating life again, lol

i got kind of bored half way through this so. bye.

what funn stuff

This weekend has been pretty amazing so far.
On friday I hung out with Evan for quite a while. First we came to my grandmas..and like did our hair and stuff, then we went to the mall, which was pretty fun actually lol.
We sat in Borders for an hour looking at books on college and majors and what to expect and then we went to the photography section and looked at those books for a while, where i found evan's XMAs present... "The nude male" lmfao...it was a book with a lot of pics of naked men.......
When we left the mall we went to Wildwood and walked around for a little bit. The flash light sucked so we just used the moon, lol....so then we went to Ravine cemetery and were there for a good hour or so, saw nothing, kinda sad... then we went to the cemetery on Silica and that was really freaky! Evan and I decided that we are going to start some paranormal research stuff, that's gonna be quite interesting and fun to do.

On saturday I went to my grandpa's and helped out my family for 5 hours with the estate...painting and moving furniture and all of that fun stuff. Came to my grandma's..got ready and then went to pick up Ashley Devin and Kit to go to Senses Fail; Sky eats airplane;Dance Gavin Dance soo..on the way there, there was this hilarious old lady in a car who made faces at us and did the "jack offf" thing with her hands,was funny.
We get downtown and got kind of lost, but made it to the concert okay.
I had a ton of fun there.....i lost my shoes and got pushed down and punched in a mosh pit though. was brutal, but amazing. The bands were pretty good...cept for the first one. they were dumb.,
So me ashley wes and kit leave..and i drove the wrong way on a one way street..hhaa...then we went to walmart and then to wildwood then to a random field where everyone was complaining about how cold it was so we sat in muh car in krogers parking lot and talked for a while....dropped kit and wes off at like one then stayed the night at ashley's.

lots of fun.

and im so fucking pumped for Taking Back Sunday

=]

I'm so happy that the weekend is here. Not sure on my mood right now.
Kinda pissed at my sister for making my grandma cry las night. She can't really accept the fact that Jamie isn't coming home.
On the other hand, I went to hang out with my aunt last night and we got into a huge talk about life. She made me feel a lot better on some stuff.

Me.Ash.Devin.Drew.Kit went to the abandoned house yesterday. Woah some cool stuff..like there were drums n side and other cool stuff.

Im not in much of a typing mood right now.
but the weekend is gonna be cool
tomorrow me and evan are doing haunted//scary stuff together
Saturday im going to the senses fail concert with ash.devin.kit and wes
sunday--yipee

=]]

Ever have One of those Days where you're just..happy?
yeah, well today is that day for me.
The raining in the morning was really soothing, and now it's so warm and I'm alone so I get to sing and dance around to music abnoxiously as I get ready to go hang out with people.


I've also Come to realize that I am 100% over jared now. Idk, the sensation of moving on just hit me, and I really like it =] Ofcourse I still care about him, but I'm over him. Plus he is hitting on 14 year olds now, which gives me a confidence boost because I'm pretty sure im on a higher scale than that, lol.

I'm really enjoying where my life is heading right now. I'm just relaxing and letting things take their course, whatever happens will happen if it's supposed to. My eye is on a certain someone by the way. =]
I hope that goes smoothly!

uhm woah?

So, i'm not sure that my halloween could have been any greater than it was!
after decorating for the dance, I picked up Joann and Evan and we went over to my grandma's and prepared for trick-or-treating, haha.
We went trick or treating in Lincoln Woods, and figured out that whenever someone said to me "Aren't you freezing?" It was really their way of telling me that I looked like a skank =]
So we got a lot of candy, and in doing so we met some people eating chipotle and they told us that if you go there with foil, then you get a free burrito...so we went there and chowed down, it was delicious.
Since it was halloween we wanted to be scared, so we decided to go to the abandoned house in Secor Metropark, uhm well we got there and chickened out, so instead we snuck into WildWood around 11? It was pretty scary actually...We were all holding hands walking through the woods, and at one point we started running..because evan was scared, lol. Then we went on the swings and left.

Uhm so after WW we went to walmart and walked around for a bit and then went to a cemetary where there were police that we were hiding from...But when they left we walked around and went down in the ravine. JoAnn got scared because her and I think we saw a ghost and she wanted to leave...

It was a really fun time. and i got to stay the night at jojo's. =]

woah.

so life lately, its been pretty boring, ya notice?
...spanish club party tom. haha... uhm then me and ash. and joe get to film our fun video. haha.


So, I've been working on my application for the United World College, it's pretty intense and I doubt I will get in, but there's really no point in not trying. If I do get accepted I get to live in a castle in the mountains for two years, pretty cool right?


SADD dance is this saturday, you should probably go. =]
I'll be there, but won't be able to dance all too much because I agreed to help out quite a bit.
Anyways, halloween is this friday, that's always fun.
Joann wants me to take her trick-or-treating, so i might do that. Then I have some volunteering I have to do until midnight I assume. I might leave early to go to a party, just depends on how much stuff needs to get done for YIPEE.
....Sunday, I have community service for......4 hours. geesh.

Uhm. I've been noticing how much some things are bothering me lately i suppose. For instace I think it's stupid that "im not allowed" to be friends with some people? yeah that's kind of crazy but whatever floats your boat.
And school is getting on my nerves, anatomy is getting easier, alg. 2 not so much. and i dont even have much to write about anymore so im just rambling on about absolutley nothing.

O0h, funny story.
so today i brought ashley and devin back to my house to hang out for a while before devin had to work...well, my mom got home before I thought she would so Devin had to hide in my closet for like 25 minutes. When my mom finally decides to go to the bathroom we pull him out and make him go outside and run to my car and lay down in the backseat...so I told my mom i was going to ashley's house then we just went and hung out in metamora.
....guess it was funnier if u were here.

=]

Love?

So, I have no idea whether or not I believe in love. One one hand, i think i might strongly believe in it, but am incredibly afraid of it. And on the other hand, I think it might be a joke and a made up emotion that people crave for their entire life.

So, when my dad was murdered I pretty much decided that the world was too cruel of a plac for love to exist in, it was just a cold, heartless place crawling with immortal hatred. Well then I meet this boy, and we date for a year and a half, and I thought I "loved" him, I was so happy.
Well after a year a half of dating, he breaks up with me a week after the two of us watch my grandpa die of cancer. I was crushed, depressed, just plain sad.
And looking back, I think, maybe I didn't "love" him.. maybe it was just the high school romance that every melodramatic teen interprets their feelings for the opposite sex as? But I also still feel strong emotion for this boy, is that love? Or is it because he was in my life for so long and Im having a hard time moving on??

I don't want to be the "scrooge of love"..so I need some opinions.. Is this emotion real, and if it is, is it normal to be afraid of it? I mean I can't even tell my family that I love them, and I don't think that's normal?

ugh.

pick us the pace

Mk.
anyone notice, im seriously not happy lately?
idk, this time of year comes along and so does the feeling of something missing.
I hate winter and Christmas so much, it's the most depressing unhappy time of the year. No it's not the hap hap hapiest time for me. =[
anywho i suppose im gonna get pretty honest right here. get pissed at me if u want.


I think evergreen is dumb, wait no, the people, they are dumb.
It's bullshit that the someone who does drugs is the president of art club.. yeah because that's really someone i want to look up to?
And hey, idiots, don't join SADD if you drink and smoke and do other dumb shit, that's like mocking the whole point of the club, so quit acting like you're so god damn perfect and go fly a kite.
For all you people who talk about your sex life in school, guess what? Nobody cares. Wow you went out and got laid, not something that we're going to give you a round of applause for so I dont really give a shit whether you like it on top or bottom.


Yeah, sometimes things just kind of irritate me =]

Almost forgot...

Since my aunt is moving to Qatar, she is flying me out there over spring break.
It's a country above Saudi Arabia.
And since i was going to california over break, im probably going there in the winter. So im pretty excited for upcoming vacations. =]

=] my weekend

This weekend has been pretty great.

My cousin's wedding was yesterday, and it was amazing. Everything was all "fall" themed, it was very pretty. The food was delicious and I love being with my family, they are quite nifty.
One thing that sucked about being there, weddings seriously make you feel lonely if you're single. I talked to rick [my aunts bf] while i was there and he gave me some really good advice. so i decided. im applying for the UWC scholarship. Leaving for a boarding school will be more beneficial in my future...Even though I will be missing out on my senior year, I think going to New Mexico is gonna be awesome.

I left the wedding early to go to a party with katelyn, but she never called me back so I went to Chris Delabona's house for a bonfire.Dakota and Caleb had to walk down the street to direct me there because Chris cannot give directions, lol.
It was a pretty great time, alotta people were there::Alex, Caleb, Chris B, Chris D, Jake,Jake's gf, Wes, Kelsey, Dakota, Zack S, Josh B, Kyle.
So my sis leaves her money in my pocket and makes me leave the bonfire to bring it to her..so I picked up joe and steven while i was out and brough them back.
We stayed for a while and then went to walmart, and then to a cemetary..gate was closed, it's never effing closed. i was pissed.So i took them home around midnight then came back to my gmas and crashed.

All in all i guess i had a pretty decent weekend.....
....some things pissed me off but it'll blow over.

haha =] life sucks.

blaah. ever sit around and wonder "what if" and it just makes you feel shitty. please someone smack me .

Today was pretty eventful... school. haunted house. mall. sv game. ashley's.now im just chilling at my grandmas..kind of bored now though.

So, I write poetry to let things go, i guess you could say?...so here's a poem. enjoy.:::::

The only promises you can ever trust are the ones you make
The only heart you'll ever heal is the one you can't break
The only questions left unanswered are the ones you never ask
The only chance you have at a future is by forgetting the past
The only love you will ever know is the love you've lost
The only way you'll cope with time is by paying time's cost
The only way you will embrace strength is by learning how to loose
The only abuse that provides meaning is when it leaves a bruise
The only fear you need to conquer is the fear to live
The only way you can receive is by learning how to give
The only door that will open is the one you take the effort to pull
The only time you'll quit being an actor is when you give up the role
The only truth you should embrace is the truth you don't want to hear
The only weakness that makes you stronger is the weakness you cant bare
The only fantasy you'll ever encounter is the fantasy that you dream
The only way you'll accept reality is when you figure out that life
is not always as it seems


So yeah, kind of long. but when I can't figure out what to say, a pencil and paper never fails me. Imma nerd like that.

So i am probably moving to either New Mexico//England//Italy to go to a boarding school called United World College. It's a 2 year school to go to before college, where you get a lot of secondary education and it's really good for your future. Plus you meet a bunch of people from around the world, and over the weekends you do community service.
So I got a letter to apply for the Davis Merit scholarship, and if I am one of the 25 that get selected to go to UWC-USA then they pay for everything, tuition, room and board, books..or if im one of the 25 that get selected to go to one of their other campuses in another county then I think i'm going to go.
Missing my senior year of high school sounds pretty brutal, but this is the chance of a lifetime and i dont think im going to pass it up...Apparently I have a lot of thinking to do.

My very first blog!

So today, pretty good. Picked up alex, then went to wasueon to the skate demo. Hung out with alex, ashley, devin, drew, joe, kit, wes, steven, jake, shannon...and that little punk kid. lmfao.

So i'm really hoping that life picks up pretty soon, things aren't going as well as i'd like them to be. My sister left, and she still won't talk to me, even though i've done nothing wrong. She found new family with her boyfriend's family, and that just kind of doesn't feel too good on me.
My aunt, who has been like a mom to me is moving to a country in the middle east for a year for a job.

And yet again, in the end of all of the shit, I'll realize that i've learned my lessons and have come out a better person. Still sometimes, I wish it were easier, just simple for once.



anywho, so my friend just got dumped, bummer. break ups suck but it's nothing to get too worked up over.. trust me, i know.
I dated this dude for a year and a half, and outta nowhere he breaks up with me. I was devestated, i got "there's other fish in the sea" "it's not the end of the world" I was just like mk shut the fuck up im depressed. soo.. i did really dumb things.
I cut myself thinking that i could focus the pain somewhere else.
I layed out in the sun until i was sunburnt really bad so it would turn into a tan, i mean guy's love the tans right??
I puked myself in hopes to become skinner so he would want me back.

Point here is.. why would you waste all your time trying to fix all your imperfections to become perfect for someone when you shouldn't have to spend any time at all, just by being yourself and just hope that someone comes along who's gonna like that.
just some food for thought if ur ass ever gets dumped as bad as mine did.